Fuck You Brian X Chen

Seriously, fuck you.

The things that are wrong with this piece of odious yak vomit from Brian X Chen on Wired.com are Legion, but one thing in particular makes me want to punch Chen in the giblets. After writing about how Steve Jobs featured Garageband and iMovie for the iPad during the recent iPad 2 event, Chen writes:

Historically, iMovie and GarageBand have been popular on the Mac because of their affordability and ease of use. With these two apps, Apple pioneered tools for Joe Schmo to create music and movies—skills that were previously exclusive to professional musicians and moviemakers with expensive hardware and software.

As a professional Final Cut Pro videomaker myself, I was personally frustrated that Apple kept making it easier and easier for anyone to replicate my technical skills with much simpler tools.

Indeed, how dare Apple be so crass as to provide tools for “Joe Schmos” to express their creative sides. Why, if this trend continues people might fail to fall to ground in prostration before the awe and majesty of Brian X Chen, Professional Final Cut Pro Videomaker.

It’s actually difficult to compose coherent sentences to insult this insufferable cunt. The level of rank arrogance leaves me capable of doing nothing more than screaming in rage (stay tuned for the next Angry Mac Bastards podcast).

I could go on. Chen certainly does in an idiotic, and frankly tired, screed about how the iPad is teh suck because it doesn’t have any apps for writing code. Let us weep for the poor lost generation who will never learn to write shitty text editors. On the other hand, they might become musicians and thus have a chance of seeing a nipple close up. You win some, you lose some. The truth is, I’m far to hung-over to bother deconstructing Chen’s actual argument. The fact that Chen is so lacking in self awareness to publish the paragraphs quoted above renders his opinions of no more worth to me than a fart on the wind.

I will close with one final thought though. In the dim mists of pre-history, I too have received monetary compensation for editing video. So I can speak with some small level of authority on this point. Brian, if iMovie allowed any schmuck with an iMac to replicate your technical skills you are, in fact, a shitty fucking editor. Tools don’t make the artist you arrogant twat.

Update: While I was composing this, Chen updated the article to sound like less of a cunt, typical New Media Douchebag.