Dan Costa Has Sand In His Vajayjay

In a nicely ill-timed move (given the flurry of iPhone OS and App Store release news) PC Magazine ran a wonderful little piece of tripe by Dan Costa titled “Don’t Buy an iPhone 3G“. Before I commence to get my rant on, I have to ask: Why the hell do people write “Don’t Buy X” articles? Does anyone really benefit from this shit? I mean, I’m fucking negative, but even I don’t have the heart to rain on other people’s purchase decision parades. Anyway, on to the point-by-point rantification.

The iPhone 3G is AT&T only.”

And? I hate to break it to you, but since apparently the entire tech journalism sector has lost it’s gods damned mind, here goes. Many phones are released exclusively via a single carrier. Hell, I remember when you couldn’t get a single Sony Erricson phone on a CDMA network. That’s the main reason I jumped ship to T-Mobile. Does this suck? Sure, but it’s the way things are. If choice of carrier trumps choice of device for you, then sure, don’t buy an iPhone 3G. Same deal with coverage issues. But it’s a weak-ass point to lead off with.

The iPhone 3G costs more than $199.

Christ, the Total Cost of Ownership thing again. Seriously people, give this shit a rest. I have never heard TCO used as an argument regarding a cell phone before. By this logic, my $299 RAZR actually cost over two grand. Wait, no it didn’t, the phone was $299 and the service is $55 a month. The hardware plus subscription service business model ain’t exactly new people.

The iPhone 3G isn’t worth the upgrade.

Guess what chuckle-nuts, not everyone buying an iPhone 3G is upgrading. I explained this before here, and I’m not inclined to repeat myself. But beyond that, check out this example of Dan’s blinding logic.

There’s no shortage of iPhones already out there. Walk down a New York City street and you’ll see them everywhere. I’d go as far as to say that anyone who really wanted an iPhone already has one.

Really, care to cite what market research led you to that conclusion. Oh, I guess that the firm of Pulled Out My Ass doesn’t like publicity.

The iPhone 3G’s battery life is going to suck.

To quote Dan:

Unfortunately, I don’t know this for sure since Apple didn’t give us the head start it gave to David Pogue of The New York Times and author of iPhone: The Missing Manual. Still, this has been a chronic problem for 3G phones of all varieties.

Notice the reference to Pogue, we’ll come back to that. But more importantly, in two sentences Dan manages to point out that a) he has no idea what he’s talking about and b) the iPhone’s battery performance is probably going to be comparable to every other 3G phone out there.

The iPhone 3G’s storage is limited to 16GB.

Quoth the moron:

Right now 8GB and 16GB are your only choices, but I bet we’ll see a 32GB version by the end of the year. At 32GB you’ll have a device that could truly serve as a full-time iPod replacement, with room to store thousands of MP3s and high-quality video files. Now that might be worth buying-depending on the price.

So. PC’s will get faster and hard drives will get bigger and TV’s will get cheaper and a whole host of tech products will improve over time. Seriously Dan, are you channeling my mother?

The iPhone 3G is not a feature leader.

Um, in what fucking universe. Quoting again:

What’s missing: support for additional flash memory; stereo Bluetooth support; picture messaging; video recording; and the rudimentary ability to cut-and-paste text. Its 2-megapixel camera doesn’t even have a flash! In short, there are free phones with better features than the iPhone 3G.

No, Dan, there are free phones that have one or two of those features. And, last time I checked, none of them have Mobile Safari and the App Store. But, hey, you didn’t whine about a physical keyboard, so points there.

So, there you go. Another whiny piece of link-bait (feel free to send me a check for my cut of the referrals). Now, above I told you we’d come back to the Pogue thing. Here’s a quote from the beginning of Dan’s article:

In every other story you read, the iPhone is being spun as the apex of technological sophistication. The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and USA Today reviews, written by authors handpicked by Steve Jobs to receive early review units, have been predictably glowing and effusive.

Hmm, could someone be jealous that they didn’t get a review unit?