Here we go.

Strap in cats and catettes, this is going to be a bumpy ride. Apparently Apple has made their first round picks for the iPhone developer program. Note, this only applies to developers receiving the certificates that they need to install and test their software on physical iPhones. Anyone reading more into the decisions (such as who will eventually be let into the iPhone AppStore) is full of more bullshit than a constipated Angus.

Against all odds, and seriously here I’m fucking shocked, the first story on this to hit my feed-reader was from iLounge with thisgob-smackingly non-hyperbolic story. I mean, what the deuce iLounge; what sort of chumps are you, posting the actual email contents and not wildly speculating? Are you trying to put me out of the bitch-slapping business? For contrast, here is the headline from TUAWiPhone developer rejection letter mass mailing” Rejection you say! Well fuck Apple, I can’t believe that they would be so cruel. El jeffe must be cackling with joy at the thought of all those disappointed developers. Or, wait, let’s see that the actual fucking “rejection” letter (which iLounge was good enough to quote, but TUAW couldn’t be arsed to) says:

Dear Registered iPhone Developer, Thank you for expressing interest in the iPhone Developer Program. We have received your enrollment request. As this time, the iPhone Developer Program is available to a limited number of developers and we plan to expand during the beta period. We will contact you again regarding your enrollment status at the appropriate time. Thank you for applying.

Wait, what? That doesn’t sound like a rejection. That sounds like, “holy fuck 100,000 people just applied for a cert to install beta software, developed with a beta SDK, on production hardware that connects to our revenue generating production cell network. Perhaps we better dole these things out a bit slowly.”

To all my iPhone developing friends out there. I know getting “rejected” sucks. If I were a developer I’d be frothing over to get my apps on real hardware. I “feel your pain.” But to all the chumps in the blogokleinbottle: tone down the fucking rhetoric a bit. The iPhone dev program has existed for a whole fucking week, and is an entirely new model for Apple. There are going to be bumps along the way. Screaming like Chicken Little every time we hit one only reinforces why you will never be respected as journalists. But then again, it gives me loads of material. So, on second though, screech away.