If Wishes Were Horses…

Ok, I only have the energy for a mico-rant today; so here goes. What the bloody fuck is wrong with so-called tech­nol­ogy “review­ers” who can­not for the life of them sep­a­rate their wants and desires from the fuck­ing prod­uct that they are review­ing. Case in point this quote from a “pre­view” of the new AppleTV 2.0 soft­ware in iLounge​.com.

The only sur­prise is that the new name seems to exclude Time Capsules or other wire­less stor­age devices as sources for Apple TV.

How the fuck is that a “sur­prise?” Someone please point out to me exactly where in the Expo Keynote Steve Jobs even vau­g­ley implied that such a fea­ture would exist. Would it be a nice fea­ture, abso-fucking-lutely; but let’s try review­ing the actual prod­uct that exists, not the one we made up in our heads.

Morons

I’m fairly cer­tain I said this after last year’s Keynote, but it bears repeat­ing. I’m con­vinced that Steve could announce free blow-jobs for every MacOS user; and some­one would still find a way to complain.

Macworld Predictions

Here are my Macworld predictions:

  • Apple’s stock will imme­di­ately drop after the Keynote, no mat­ter what Steve says
  • Dvorak, Ou, and Enderle will write some­thing retarded; Gruber and Welch will ver­bally abuse them for it.
  • The free­tards will either a) claim that Apple stole some­thing from FOSS, or b) claim that “Linux has been doing that for years.”
  • If Mac hard­ware is announced, morons will flood Dell’s servers in an attempt to com­pare the cheap­est POS Dell model with what­ever his Steveness reveals.
  • Someone, some­where will write, “Worst keynote ever.”

There you go, you heard it here first.

Ha Ha!

So, I just read on MacNN that there is a tro­jan in the wild that tar­gets “jail­bro­ken” iPhones. All I have to say is…hahahahahahahaha. Fuck you, you morons who whined and com­plained about Apple’s “bull­shit” excuses about secu­rity. Enjoy your bricks you nitwits.

Fortune Doesn’t Get It…and Is 6 Month’s Late to the Gang-Bang.

Jesus Menstruating Christ, the lack­wits at Fortune appar­ently needed to score some site hits; so they whipped up a mind-bogglingly obvi­ous set of “10 rea­sons IT won’t sup­port the iPhone.” For the last time you suit wear­ing mouth breathers…

The iPhone is not being mar­keted to IT!

When Apple gives a shit about sell­ing the iPhone to “enter­prise” they will do what they need to make that happen.

While writ­ing this I noticed that Fake Steve Jobshas opined on this very issue. Namaste, you sweater wear­ing, fic­ti­tious mother fucker. I honor the place where your arro­gance meets my alcoholism.

Thwunk!!!

Yes, thwunk.

That kids, is the sound of me slam­ming my head against the key­board. By the by, ergonomic key­boards are much bet­ter on the nog­gin than stan­dard. And why am I slam­ming my head into the key­board you ask. Well it may have some­thing to do with this bit of idiocy from The Apple Blog. The piece pur­ports to be a com­par­i­son of Apple’s .Mac ser­vice and the var­i­ous Google offer­ings, with an attempt to answer the ques­tion, “Is Google the next .Mac.”


Continue read­ing Thwunk!!!