By The Angry Drunk
Satan’s balls I hate TechCrunch; they truly are the ultimate bottom feeder of the tech industry. One of my favorite tricks that Mike Arrington and his carnival of imbeciles like to pull is the “highlight yet another App Store denial” routine. Today’s example from Roi Carthy, though, is a doozy. The headline reads: Tawkon Measures The Radiation Spewing From Your iPhone. No Wonder Apple Doesn’t Approve It.
The idiocy is summed in the first paragraph.
Here we go again . . . Apple App Store Fail No. 5102928. A few weeks ago stealth Israeli startup Tawkon gave me a sneak-peak developer build of what I believe is the most important app on my iPhone. What does it do? It analyzes the cellular radiation your iPhone emits at any given moment, at any given location, whether in standby mode, or within a call.
First of all, I’m declaring a fucking fatwa against the use of the word “fail.” You’re (presumably) not a giggling school-girl, stop fucking writing like one. But more to the point, let’s be clear about what this application does. This piece of crap measures the signal strength of the iPhone’s cellular radio, then does some
Continue reading Denying iPhone Apps…for Science!
By The Angry Drunk
Gods know I hate TechCrunch. Fuck, they’re probably responsible for at least a third of the material for the Angry Mac Bastards podcast. But yesterday, TechCrunch and Erik Schonfeld sank to an abysmal new low.
In the article, which is so disjointed and pointless that it makes the average third–grader’s book report look like a master’s thesis, Shonfeld castigates DeviantART (an online artistic community composed of user–submitted works) for the fact that the one hundred millionth user submission, or “deviation” as they are styled, happens to be a gay sex story. I honestly can’t get what Shonfeld is going on about here. Is he offended by the subject matter, or just jealous that the people at DeviantArt actually produce something other than propaganda for Google and endless comedy material for those of us bagging on the CrunchPad? Or, as is most likely given that this is TecCrunch, is he just trolling for links to keep his master Arrington from busting out the cat-o-nine-tails and punishment dildo?
Whatever the motivation, the article is reprehensible. Seriously, how dare a jumped up tabloid like TechCrunch criticize DeviantART. It’s true that a large chunk of the material on DeviantART is, to be
Continue reading A New Low for TechCrunch
By The Angry Drunk
It’s horrifically embarrassing to admit I missed one of the better idiot-quotes from Erick Schonfeld’s latest Google rim-job, and didn’t notice it until I saw it in a Prince McDildo article:
Google supposedly didn’t need to create its own phone, because it could simply create software for the iPhone. And, in fact, some of the best apps on the iPhone—Mail, Maps, YouTube, Search—were developed by Google.
The lack of oxygen from Google’s schlong blocking Erick’s airway must have confused him. None of those applications were developed by Google. One isn’t even a real application.
By The Angry Drunk
Erick Schonfeld takes one deep and works the ballsack today with this: Google Should Make Apple Beg For Maps Navigation. Choice quote:
When Google announced what is clearly the best car navigation application on any mobile today, it didn’t just take a swipe at GPS navigation companies such as Garmin and TomTom. It took a swipe at Apple.
Ignoring the breathless proclamation that, since it’s from Google it must be the best thing since unicorn cum, let me just point out that Apple already “took a swipe” at Google when they banned Google Voice, banned Google Latitude and bought a mother-fucking mapping company. As for the retarded notion that Google should make Apple “beg” to use their precious unicorn-tear powered mapping framework, recall that Google doesn’t make dime fucking one directly from Android phone sales. It makes it’s money selling advertisements. As such, I rather imagine that Google will be begging Apple to use their service on one of the fastest growing mobile platforms in the fucking Universe.
Seriously, Erick and the rest of the TechCrunch lackwits, stop before your lips become permanently chapped.
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Brother, can you spare a dime?
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