The Angry Drunk

The fol­low­ing is a list of signs that the iPad review that you’re read­ing was writ­ten by a tool, or an igno­ra­mus, pos­si­bly both. I’m not refer­ring to any spe­cific reviews, but to gen­eral trends of ass­hat­tery. Disclaimer: I do not yet have an iPad to per­form my own crit­i­cal analy­sis. Mine is still wait­ing in FCC approval limbo.

1. Any ref­er­ence to Apple’s Draconian Control™. Really, we get it you fuck­ing free­tards, Apple is the new big bad evil empire. Go buy a fuck­ing Android device along with the rest of the dirt eaters.

2. Complaints that the iPad screen is a “smudge mag­net.” Piss off you greasy-fingered fuck. Name me one glass sur­faced dis­play that doesn’t gather smudges like Richard Stallman gath­ers toe-jam. Wash your hands and quit your bitchin’.

3. Complaints that the iPad is “heavy for an eReader.” Hey lack­wit, show me where Apple is mar­ket­ing the iPad as an “eReader.” You know what the iPad is light for? It’s light for a fuck­ing lap­top alter­na­tive. Do some curls and build up the strength in your arms you pansies.

4. Complaints about “glare.” I’m almost sym­pa­thetic to the peo­ple who com­plain about glare when using Apple

Continue read­ing Six Signs That the iPad Review You’re Reading Is Crap