August 11th, 2009 Well, it’s Tuesday so it must be time for the shit-mongers over at PC World to expel another worthless bit of link-bait designed to a) get reprinted in Macworld, and b) bring in the iPhone fanatics. This week’s fecal dissertation is titled 5 Reasons It’s Time For a Verizon iPhone by Michael Scalisi. There isn’t actually a point to this colo-rectal discharge, so let’s get right into the defenestration, point by point. It would provide a major boost to iPhone sales: For a good number of people (whom I used to be one of), the iPhone is appealing, but AT&T is a deal breaker. Providing a second provider would capture these customers. Additionally, existing iPhone customers wanting to upgrade to the 3GS might find that jumping from AT&T to Verizon provides the perfect excuse to get a new phone with a new contract. MMS: With the newest iPhone software, AT&T is now the weak link when it comes to the lack MMS on the iPhone. Surely Verizon, needing to provide features to entice customers, would offer Multimedia Messaging Services. MMS! What fucking planet are you from Michael? Offering the iPhone on Verizon would force AT&T to enable MMS? You mean, like they have already committed to doing? Satan’s taint you’re a moron.
Tethering: As with MMS, we don’t know for sure that Verizon would offer tethering. However, for the sake of competition, I’m betting they would. To remain competitive, AT&T would have to follow suit.
See. Fucking. Above.
Dropped Calls: When a guy like wine guru Gary Vaynerchuck takes the time to complain about AT&T in a video blog, you know there’s an issue. Verizon customers don’t seem to suffer nearly as badly from dropped calls.
know
Voice Mail Delays: I know I’m not alone in this. On a good number of occasions, someone will call and leave me a message. Hours later, the message will finally show up in visual voicemail. Sometimes the messages are important and time sensitive. This feature is far too critical to have this kind of delay. We don’t know that Verizon wouldn’t screw this up too, but I’d be willing to give them a shot.
July 15th, 2009 Is Mike Arrington a Dick? For the first time since matter coalesced from the energy soup that followed the Big Bang, the answer to that question has changed from “yes” to “no.” For, you see, Mike Arrington has managed to transcend the bonds of mere dickdom and has risen to new heights of douchebaggery. It’s not even the fact that Phlegminton chose to publish the stolen Twitter documents that has my spleen up. I mean, it’s Mike Arrington, did anyone think that he wouldn’t Adding insult to injury, Mucosal Mike’s justification essentially boils down to, “if we don’t publish, someone else will, so we might as well get there first.” As my friend John Welch is fond of saying, that is seventh grade logic. Just because Billy is going to hit a puppy doesn’t mean you’re morally justified in kicking a baby. So, in order to calm down I’m going to go back to that mental image of Arrington being greeted by the Fox News Rape Demon. Enjoy the eternal sodomy you chump, at least it won’t try to shake your hand.
July 10th, 2009 Today I ran across another entry in the growing list of refutations of Chris Anderson’s Free: The Future of a Radical Price. This time it’s an article from The Chronicle of Higher Education featuring the story of Berkley Physics professor Richard A. Muller. In a nutshell, Anderson uses Muller as an example in Free of a case where web exposure (in this case YouTube videos of professor Muller’s lectures) has translated into commercial success (in this case a book deal). The problem is, Muller doesn’t agree with Anderson’s conclusions. Muller is quoted in The Chronicle: The Journal (3 times) or had a book review inThe Boston Globe, Anderson, of course will have none of this. The Chronicle quotes him as responding: The Long Tail and FreeFree. they may be wrong.
June 25th, 2009 I write this post with a heavy heart. Have any of you ever been in the following situation? You know a guy. He’s a smart guy, and you agree with almost all of his opinions, but he’s done or said something so monumentally annoying that you just have to smack him around a bit for it. Well, I’ve just encountered the intertubes version of that. So, who’s the dipshit in question? I’m glad you asked. It’s “Cousin Avi” of Veritas Nihilum Vincet.
August 5th, 2008 Ok, so July 2008 isn’t going to go down in the annals of Apple history as one of the company’s better months. The Mobile Me launch was handled badly at best, iPhone 3G demand exceeded supplies by a retarded margin (oy to have that problem), iPhone developers are still unbearably shackled by the “fucking” NDA, and Apple was abysmally late with a set of security updates. No one who isn’t a complete and utter tool would argue that any of the above-mentioned issues is a Yes, Apple screwed the pooch big time on a few different items here, but they’ve fucked up worse before, and I’ll bet you a shiny dime they fuck up worse sometime in the future. Look at this as a learning opportunity. In the meantime, here’s a desperate plea to the “journalists” out there. Tone down the FUD and breathless hyperbole; it only serves to insult your readers’ intelligence and make you look like a ninny. Thanks. PS: Apple is either “all marketing and PR” or “has worthless at PR.” Pick one, you can’t have both.
July 16th, 2008 . And what tripe am I writing about? Well, another “Don’t buy an iPhone” shit-piece from none other than the unwashed freetards at the Free Software Foundation iPhone completely blocks free software. Developers must pay a tax to Apple, who becomes the sole authority over what can and can’t be on everyone’s phones. Really? I guess it sucks to be in the iPhone hacking community. I mean, I don’t like you dorks and you don’t like me; but I at least acknowledge that you exist. Right off the bat these dolts conflate the iPhone, with the App Store. More to the point (and this is entirely in keeping with these zealots narrow ass world view) they dismiss the hundreds, if not thousands of developers who a) don’t give a shit about “free” software and b) might actually like getting paid for their efforts. iPhone endorses and supports Digital Restrictions Management (DRM) technology. iPhone exposes your whereabouts and provides ways for others to track you without your knowledge. iPhone won’t play patent– and DRM-free formats like Ogg Vorbis and Theora. Gods, this one again. These wastes of skin say the same thing about the iPod, look how that turned out. Earth to Moonvile, no one cares.
iPhone is not the only option. There are better alternatives on the horizon that respect your freedom, don’t spy on you, play free media formats, and let you use free software — like the FreeRunner.
Apple, through its marketing and visual design techniques, is manufacturing an illusion that merely buying an Apple makes you part of an alternative community. But the technology they use is explicitly chosen to divide people into separate digital cells, and to position Apple as sole warden. When your business depends on people paying for the privilege of being locked up, the prison better look and feel luxurious, and the bars better not be too visible.
You heard it kiddies, we’re locked in a prison of Apple’s making. I know, it’s the Free Software Foundation; expecting reason is like expecting my dog to sit up and begin reciting Shakespeare, but at least I got to rant for a bit.
July 10th, 2008 In a nicely ill-timed move (given the flurry of iPhone OS and App Store release news) PC Magazine ran a wonderful little piece of tripe by Dan Costa titled “Don’t Buy an iPhone 3G “The iPhone 3G is AT&T only.” The iPhone 3G costs more than $199. Christ, the Total Cost of Ownership thing again. Seriously people, give this shit a rest. I have never The iPhone 3G isn’t worth the upgrade. Guess what chuckle-nuts, not everyone buying an iPhone 3G is upgrading. I explained this before here, and I’m not inclined to repeat myself. But beyond that, check out this example of Dan’s blinding logic. There’s no shortage of iPhones already out there. Walk down a New York City street and you’ll see them everywhere. I’d go as far as to say that anyone who really wanted an iPhone already has one. Really, care to cite what market research led you to that conclusion. Oh, I guess that the firm of Pulled Out My Ass doesn’t like publicity. The iPhone 3G’s battery life is going to suck. To quote Dan: Unfortunately, I don’t know this for sure since Apple didn’t give us the head start it gave to David Pogue of The New York Times and author of iPhone: The Missing Manual. Still, this has been a chronic problem for 3G phones of all varieties.
every other 3G phone out there.
The iPhone 3G’s storage is limited to 16GB.
Quoth the moron:
Right now 8GB and 16GB are your only choices, but I bet we’ll see a 32GB version by the end of the year. At 32GB you’ll have a device that could truly serve as a full-time iPod replacement, with room to store thousands of MP3s and high-quality video files. Now that might be worth buying-depending on the price.
So. PC’s will get faster and hard drives will get bigger and TV’s will get cheaper and a whole host of tech products will improve over time. Seriously Dan, are you channeling my mother?
The iPhone 3G is not a feature leader.
Um, in what fucking universe. Quoting again:
What’s missing: support for additional flash memory; stereo Bluetooth support; picture messaging; video recording; and the rudimentary ability to cut-and-paste text. Its 2-megapixel camera doesn’t even have a flash! In short, there are free phones with better features than the iPhone 3G.
No, Dan, there are free phones that have one or two of those features. And, last time I checked, none of them have Mobile Safari and the App Store. But, hey, you didn’t whine about a physical keyboard, so points there.
In every other story you read, the iPhone is being spun as the apex of technological sophistication. The New York Times, The Wall Street Journal, and USA Today reviews, written by authors handpicked by Steve Jobs to receive early review units, have been predictably glowing and effusive.
Hmm, could someone be jealous that they didn’t get a review unit?
July 7th, 2008 I usually reserve my bile for the bit players in the blogoskleinbottle; but good lord this So why can’t all iPhone apps be free? Well, quite simply, because people are still willing to pay for them. Apple currently generates most of its revenue from up-front sales — whether it’s for MacBooks, iTunes or iPhones. And the pay approach for mobile games, ringtones and videos has long been used by other tech purveyors like Verizon and Research In Motion, and even third-party app stores like Handango. “It is a historical business model,” notes Kevin Burden of ABI Research. Buyers are willing to pony up, though, because of the cachet of the Apple brand. The next bit of inanity follows the follows the standard Web 2.0 bullshit meme that Google is the only business model in town. We may find out soon, as free, ad-supported applications gain momentum. The first handsets running Google’s Android operating system will go on sale from T-Mobile late this year. Google won’t talk specifics about pricing, but some developers expect the widgets that run on them to be free. “Google’s strong point is creating inventory to run ads across. I’ll bet on the fact that they are going to be free,” says Buzzd co-founder Nihal Mehta.
I know that, as a user, there is
The last bit of stupid is perhaps the most mind-numbing of all.
If Apple ever does decide to let all iPhone apps be free, it would be a radical departure from its typical way of doing business.
Wait, does this imbecile actually think that Apple is demanding that developers charge for their apps. That there is no way a developer
July 7th, 2008 In conclusion, suck a dick.
|