iPad

Obligatory iPad 2 Commentary

March 4th, 2011, by The Angry Drunk

As anyone with a functioning pulse knows, Apple revealed the iPad 2 on Wednesday of this week. I won’t reiterate the stats and features, there’s plenty of places on the web where you can find them.

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The Incredibly Credulous Tech Press

February 10th, 2011, by The Angry Drunk

Yesterday I speculated that it would take less than 24 hours for this speculation from Apple pundit extraordinaire John Gruber to be accepted as gospel truth by the tech press. Apparently I need to re-calibrate my already abysmal expectation of the media; because no more than 3 hours after making that prediction I walked into my local bar and was inundated with panicky fear that the next iPad was being delayed until Fall. Keep in mind that I’m talking about normal people here, people who think that “Gruber” is the bad guy from Die Hard.

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WWDC 2010 Roundup

June 7th, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

Well, there you have it. The WWDC 2010 Keynote has come and gone. The big news, of course, was the new iPhone 4. Additionally Steve Jobs talked about the newly renamed iOS 4 and minor updates to iBooks on the iPad. I’m not going to bother running down the features of the new OS, Apple covered that during the special event earlier this year. Nor am I going to go through a detailed list of the specs of the new iPhone. You can get a good run-down of that at Ars Technica. What I do want to talk about are my impressions of some of the announcements, and in particular, the reactions to them.

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One Week With the iPad

May 10th, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

I’ve been using my iPad for a little over a week now, so it’s time for some impressions. Before reading onward, it might be a good idea to read a previous post of mine where I laid out my potential use cases for an iPad. Much has been written concerning the pros and cons of the various iPad configurations. Ultimately I ended up pre-ordering a 32 GB WiFi+3G model.

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Adobe’s Messed Up Metaphors

May 5th, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

I ran across this article on TechCrunch by M.G. Seigler regarding a recent statement made by Adobe’s CTO Kevin Lynch. Regarding, what else, the iPhone and Apple’s refusal to allow applications built using Flash on the platform. Kevin’s full remarks are available here, but here is the part that M.G. focuses on, and that I want to address:

But look at the iPhone helicopter we just saw — why should I only be able to use an iPhone for that? Why can’t you do that with any phone? If you look at what’s going on now, it’s like railroads in the 1800’s. People were using different gauged rails. Your cars would literally not run on those rails. That’s counter to the web. The ‘rails’ now are companies forcing people to write for a particular OS, which has a high cost to switch

M.G. does an adequate job of demonstrating why Lynch is wrong by delving into the history of the U.S. railroad system and by looking at the Japanese model, but he makes the mistake of accepting the metaphor in the first place.

Lynch is crafting a metaphor where the development environment used to produce smart — phone

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Dave Winer Is Terminally Confused

April 6th, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

While I grind out the soul crushing weeks until I can actually have my iPad I’ve been waiting for that one special iPad article that would unleash my creative rage. The blog post with that certain something that would push it above the general morass of inanity that we’ll be screaming about on Ye Olde Angry Mac Bastards podcast this week. Thank Satan for that cranky old fuckwit Dave Winer for stepping up to the plate for me. The headline is: Is iPad a game-changer?

Of course, with that headline you know you’re in for a world of stupid. First we have the classic troll method of presenting your thesis in the form of the negative response to the question you’ve posed. Of course Dave Winer doesn’t think that the iPad is a game changer, only a drooling fool would ever expect that. Also, side note to Dave: “is the iPad a game changer?” Fuck man, articles aren’t just the things that you pretend to read Playboy for! Second, who gives a monkey’s fuck if the iPad is a “game-changer”? What the fuck is a “game-changer” anyway. Try evaluating the iPad based on something other than strawman arguments

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Six Signs That the iPad Review You’re Reading Is Crap

April 5th, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

The following is a list of signs that the iPad review that you’re reading was written by a tool, or an ignoramus, possibly both. I’m not referring to any specific reviews, but to general trends of asshattery. Disclaimer: I do not yet have an iPad to perform my own critical analysis. Mine is still waiting in FCC approval limbo.

1. Any reference to Apple’s Draconian Control™. Really, we get it you fucking freetards, Apple is the new big bad evil empire. Go buy a fucking Android device along with the rest of the dirt eaters.

2. Complaints that the iPad screen is a “smudge magnet.” Piss off you greasy-fingered fuck. Name me one glass surfaced display that doesn’t gather smudges like Richard Stallman gathers toe-jam. Wash your hands and quit your bitchin’.

3. Complaints that the iPad is “heavy for an eReader.” Hey lackwit, show me where Apple is marketing the iPad as an “eReader.” You know what the iPad is light for? It’s light for a fucking laptop alternative. Do some curls and build up the strength in your arms you pansies.

4. Complaints about “glare.” I’m almost sympathetic to the people who complain about glare when using Apple

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March 12th, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

To answer the inevitable question, yes, I pre-ordered an iPad. Specifically the 32GB WIFI+3G model. My wallet hates you Steve Jobs!

Joe Wilcox: Lunatic

February 26th, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

We feature the work of Joe Wilcox at Betanews fairly frequently on Ye Olde Angry Mac Bastards podcast, mainly because he’s a raving lunatic, but the festering turd that he published yesterday forced me to take direct action. The headline reads Apple should ban freebees from the iPad App Store and that essentially sums up the article. Joe argues that, in order to distinguish the iPad from the iPod Touch and the iPhone, Apple should set a policy that no free applications can be offered via the iPad App Store.

Apple shouldn’t treat iPad like iPhone or iPod touch. The iPad App Store should be stocked full of premium content, meaning no freebees. It’s the right way to help establish iPad as a premium product, as something special like the Macintosh. Unfortunately, Apple has little incentive to take this right approach benefiting its developers (because they make more money), customers (because they get better quality apps) and the iPad brand (because it comes be to viewed as a more premium product).

Ok, excuse me for a second while I go stick my cock in a light socket. I need to reboot my brain.

…

All right

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Fixing the App Store

February 23rd, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

I began working on this article several months ago, but other things took priority and I pretty much forgot about it. The recent bout of blogorrhea over Apple and its DRACONIAN CONROL!! of the App Store prompted me to dust it off. For the record, I am in agreement with those who argue that there are problems with the App Store. Months ago I wrote that I thought the entire process was being mismanaged. On the other hand, I have yet to hear a proposal to “fix” the App Store that I think would actually work. So, since I’m just arrogant enough to think that I can do better, read on to hear my proposal for correcting the issues with the App Store…if you dare.

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