My Reaction to Apple Revealing the App Store Review Guidelines

September 9th, 2010, by The Angry Drunk
blurb

Whatever.

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Denying iPhone Apps…for Science!

March 4th, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

Satan’s balls I hate TechCrunch; they truly are the ulti­mate bot­tom feeder of the tech indus­try. One of my favorite tricks that Mike Arrington and his car­ni­val of imbe­ciles like to pull is the “high­light yet another App Store denial” rou­tine. Today’s exam­ple from Roi Carthy, though, is a doozy. The head­line reads: Tawkon Measures The Radiation Spewing From Your iPhone. No Wonder Apple Doesn’t Approve It.

The idiocy is summed in the first paragraph.

Here we go again … Apple App Store Fail No. 5102928. A few weeks ago stealth Israeli startup Tawkon gave me a sneak-peak devel­oper build of what I believe is the most impor­tant app on my iPhone. What does it do? It ana­lyzes the cel­lu­lar radi­a­tion your iPhone emits at any given moment, at any given loca­tion, whether in standby mode, or within a call.

First of all, I’m declar­ing a fuck­ing fatwa against the use of the word “fail.” You’re (pre­sum­ably) not a gig­gling school-girl, stop fuck­ing writ­ing like one. But more to the point, let’s be clear about what this appli­ca­tion does. This piece of crap mea­sures the sig­nal strength of the iPhone’s cel­lu­lar radio, then does some alchemy to deter­mine the

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Joe Wilcox: Lunatic

February 26th, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

We fea­ture the work of Joe Wilcox at Betanews fairly fre­quently on Ye Olde Angry Mac Bastards pod­cast, mainly because he’s a rav­ing lunatic, but the fes­ter­ing turd that he pub­lished yes­ter­day forced me to take direct action. The head­line reads Apple should ban free­bees from the iPad App Store and that essen­tially sums up the arti­cle. Joe argues that, in order to dis­tin­guish the iPad from the iPod Touch and the iPhone, Apple should set a pol­icy that no free appli­ca­tions can be offered via the iPad App Store.

Apple shouldn’t treat iPad like iPhone or iPod touch. The iPad App Store should be stocked full of pre­mium con­tent, mean­ing no free­bees. It’s the right way to help estab­lish iPad as a pre­mium prod­uct, as some­thing spe­cial like the Macintosh. Unfortunately, Apple has lit­tle incen­tive to take this right approach ben­e­fit­ing its devel­op­ers (because they make more money), cus­tomers (because they get bet­ter qual­ity apps) and the iPad brand (because it comes be to viewed as a more pre­mium product).

Ok, excuse me for a sec­ond while I go stick my cock in a light socket. I need to reboot my brain.

…

All right

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Fixing the App Store

February 23rd, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

I began work­ing on this arti­cle sev­eral months ago, but other things took pri­or­ity and I pretty much for­got about it. The recent bout of blo­g­or­rhea over Apple and its DRACONIAN CONROL!! of the App Store prompted me to dust it off. For the record, I am in agree­ment with those who argue that there are prob­lems with the App Store. Months ago I wrote that I thought the entire process was being mis­man­aged. On the other hand, I have yet to hear a pro­posal to “fix” the App Store that I think would actu­ally work. So, since I’m just arro­gant enough to think that I can do bet­ter, read on to hear my pro­posal for cor­rect­ing the issues with the App Store…if you dare.


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Shut Up About the App Store You Nerds!

February 23rd, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

Thank Satan for Kara Swisher. It’s always refresh­ing to see some­one call out the blo­gos­phere for being a bunch of whiny link-baiting blowhards. At this point, the breath­less faux-outrage dis­played every time Apple demon­strates that they couldn’t give a fuck what the blog­tards think is becom­ing pathetic.

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App Store Shenanigans Part Eleventy Billion

November 6th, 2009, by The Angry Drunk

Jason Snell at Macworld writes about the bull­shit that Macworld went though to get an eBook ver­sion of their iPhone and iPod Touch Superguide pub­lished to the App Store. Every time that some­one reveals the details of this process it rein­forces to me my belief that the fun­da­men­tal flaw in how Apple is han­dling the approval/rejection process is that it is being treated as a “call cen­ter” process instead of a “qual­ity assur­ance” process. Having done both I can attest that I have wit­nessed sce­nar­ios almost iden­ti­cal to what Jason describes dur­ing my tech­ni­cal sup­port days. Sadly, my expe­ri­ence in this field tells me that the only way this process can be fixed is to raze it to the ground and start from scratch. Monkeys like “Steve” from the arti­cle are fun­da­men­tally inca­pable of being re-educated.

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