The Angry Drunk

So, I’m sitting here in my office, working diligently (seriously, for any potential employers out there, I’m working my ass off). I’m also seeing tweets fly by, and reading blog posts by Robert “I have more followers that God (literally, 31,617 vs 600 as of this posting)” Scoble shilling the latest New Media Douchebag Approved™ social blogging network whatever. Meanwhile, over in my email client a funny thing is happening. People I know, people I would even go so far as to call friends are emailing back and forth, planning a happy hour gathering for tomorrow (and incidentally accusing each other of being either hippies or red-necks).

Email! I know, it’s fucking shocking. I mean, it’s so 1990’s. No Loopt, no Twitter, not even a dynamic group blog leveraging social networks. Fucking email. Even worse, and I’m embarrassed to admit this, some of us will actually telephone people not on the mailing list to give them the heads up.  We may even use landlines.

The point behind the snark here? This is what actual friends do; and this is the point that the New Media Douchebags fail to miss. Things like Twitter, and MySpace, and blogs, and Loopt are there to enhance the social experience, not replace it.  People make “social” networks; not technology.

August 7th, 2008 | Tags: blogorama, friends, new media douchebags | Category: Posts |  Print This Post | Comments (4)

Ok gang, I’m throwing this out there as support for my call for the blogokleinbottle to lay off the “Apple had a bad month, they’re doooomed” bullshit. Here is Chuq Von Rospach, a man who actually know that the hell he’s talking about (imagine that) commenting on the MobileMe launch fiasco, and Apple’s response.

Addendum:

And, of course, the first comment on Chuq’s piece is someone talking out of their ass to disagree with him.  Gotta love the internet: everyone’s an expert, except the people who fucking know what they’re talking about.

August 7th, 2008 | Tags: Apple, MobileMe, not a jackass | Category: Posts |  Print This Post | Comments (2)

Breaking headline from the jack-holes at iPodNN.

“Dev Team: iPhone 3G owners should avoid 2.0.1 update”

Ok, let’s see what’s wrong with this, starting with the headline.

“Dev Team:”

Which “Dev Team?” Apple’s? Someone who’s opinion I give two shits about? No, of course not. It’s the ever so mature creators of the “Pwnage Tool”.

“iPhone 3G owners”

Wait, I’m an iPhone 3G owner! What’s the 2.0.1 update going to do to me? Absolutely nothing. To quote the article:

The creators of the PwnageTool note that while the update is officially meant to fix bugs, it also makes changes to the underlying baseband code, which could potentially block any future attempts to unlock an iPhone. At the least, the update undoes any jailbreaking performed with PwnageTool.

Heavens To Murgatroyd, you mean Apple may feel the need to update their own hardware in a way that doesn’t necessarily play fair with “Pwnage”? The monopolist bastards!

To be fair, the blog post by the “Pwnage” people is a fair bit less FUDy than the iPodNN headline; since they at least acknowledge the actual audience that is effected by this. So I’ll have to direct the majority of my ire at the douchebags at iPodNN. Seriously you nitwits, learn how to report facts or go away.

Bleh, I’m too sick for this shit.

August 5th, 2008 | Tags: Apple, douchebaggery, iPhone | Category: Posts |  Print This Post | Comments (3)

Ok, so July 2008 isn’t going to go down in the annals of Apple history as one of the company’s better months. The Mobile Me launch was handled badly at best, iPhone 3G demand exceeded supplies by a retarded margin (oy to have that problem), iPhone developers are still unbearably shackled by the “fucking” NDA, and Apple was abysmally late with a set of security updates. No one who isn’t a complete and utter tool would argue that any of the above-mentioned issues is a good thing; but really, does every single story involving them have to end with dire warnings of impending Apple-doom?  

Yes, Apple screwed the pooch big time on a few different items here, but they’ve fucked up worse before, and I’ll bet you a shiny dime they fuck up worse sometime in the future. Look at this as a learning opportunity. In the meantime, here’s a desperate plea to the “journalists” out there. Tone down the FUD and breathless hyperbole; it only serves to insult your readers’ intelligence and make you look like a ninny. Thanks.

PS:

Apple is either “all marketing and PR” or “has worthless at PR.” Pick one, you can’t have both.

August 5th, 2008 | Tags: Apple, iPhone, jackassery | Category: Posts |  Print This Post | Comments (5)

Just a quick note to my loyal readers (sorry started laughing at that then lost my breath), I’m not actually deceased. I’ve just been too busy/hungover/flu-infested to generate a proper rant.

That is all.

August 5th, 2008 | Tags: blogorama | Category: Posts |  Print This Post | Comments (4)

This one’s probably not going to win me any friends; but then again, I’m not in this for the popularity. As you all probably know, one of the memes being bandied about in the media in the last week is the “Apple is ‘fucking up’ by not disclosing Steve Jobs’ medical condition.” To which Apple has, so-far, replied with a firm “Steve’s medical condition is his business,” and an implied, “fuck you.”

At the center of this reporting is one particular piece of shit named Joe Nocera, who reports for the New York Times. Now, here’s the thing, I know a few things about Joe Nocera and his reporting. Sadly, this is the part where many of you will tune out. But please take the time to click the link to the Deep Capture Blog in my sidebar. Deep Capture is the ongoing story of Overstock.com’s CEO Patrick Byrne’s fight against market manipulating hedge fund managers and the business media that is complicit in their attempts to fuck over publicly traded companies. At the very least read this post from Deep Capture which deal specifically with the douchebag Joe Nocera.

The thing is, I am firmly convinced that the same anonymous hedge fund managers who started the “Steve’s sick” rumor are the ones that have attacked Overstock.com. The regularity that these bullshit rumors appear, usually right before a product launch or quarterly conference call, cannot be ignored.

As a coda to this sordid mess, Joe wrote another another attack article aimed at Apple published today in the Times. I won’t link to it, because I won’t dignify this shit-smear with the hits; but here’s a quote:

On Thursday afternoon, several hours after I’d gotten my final “Steve’s health is a private matter” - and much to my amazement - Mr. Jobs called me. “This is Steve Jobs,” he began. “You think I’m an arrogant [expletive] who thinks he’s above the law, and I think you’re a slime bucket who gets most of his facts wrong.”

Good on fucking Steve! It’s about time someone else stood up to these criminally complicit “journalists.” Here’s a message to Steve, give Dr. Byrne a call, I think you’ll find you have some things in common.

July 26th, 2008 | Tags: Apple, Corrupt Establishment, douchebaggery, media | Category: Posts |  Print This Post | Comments (4)

Continuing in the fine Gawker Media tradition of posting any old crap as long as it gets hits, The Consumerist today brings us the breaking news that people sell bull cocks as dog treats.  Shocking, I know. In lieu of commentary, I bring you the sage words of Tom Waits.

I was a little shocked! I know you can get just about ANYTHING in this world.
You can get a whale’s pancreas if you’d want one! I can get you one!
But com’on, a bull’s penis! How busy they were their whole lives.
And they throw it to a dog, like that, for a snack!
Now, are they available here in the Los Angeles area? They are, aren’t they?
Doesn’t that make you a little weazy?
Makes you wanna live a long time.

Yes, Tom, yes it does.

July 23rd, 2008 | Tags: blogorama, penises | Category: Posts |  Print This Post | Comments (2)

Masterful piece from Matt Taibbi at the rollingstone.com deconstructing the media’s coverage of the Presidential election and what the real issues in America are.

July 23rd, 2008 | Tags: Politics | Category: Posts |  Print This Post | Comments (5)

You heard it kids; the FSF’s cogent and well thought out arguments convinced me to buy a FreeRunner with the OpenMoko OS. No wait, I bought an iPhone.

July 23rd, 2008 | Tags: iPhone | Category: Posts |  Print This Post | Comments (1)