Apple Special Event Predictions — the Results

Last week I tal­lied up my pre­dic­tions on the pre­dic­tions being made for the annual Apple September Music event by the rumor­sphere. Now that the event is come and gone it’s time to grade my per­for­mance, and the per­for­mance of the rumor­mon­gers in gen­eral. Before I begin though, I think I need to clar­ify what I’m up to with these rumor pre­dic­tions posts. First of all, the items that I list are not my pre­dic­tions. They are the pre­dic­tions being bandied about by the pun­dit­sphere. Secondly, the per­cent­age val­ues that I assign are com­pletely pulled from my ass, often for comedic effect. That said, let’s see how we did.

• New iPod Touch announced: 99% — Was there any doubt here.
  • Has a front-facing cam­era with FaceTime inte­gra­tion: 65% — Yup
  • Rear-facing cam­era: 45% — Yup
  • Retina Display: 80% — Yup
• iPod Nano updated: 80% — Not as cer­tain of a lock, but I would have been sur­prised if they didn’t.
  • More stor­age: 50% — Not men­tioned
  • Still pic­ture cam­era: 40% — Nope, in fact the video cam­era went bye-bye too.
• New AppleTV: 70% — Yup
  • Runs iOS: 50% — Not men­tioned
  • Named iTV: 30% — Nope
  • Runs “apps”: 30% — Nope
  • Has an “app store”: 30% — Nope
• iTunes TV Show Rentals: 10% -Honestly, this one took me by sur­prise. I’m not sur­prised that only two net­works are onboard for launch.
• iTunes IN THE CLOUD!!!: 5% — Hahaha, this one will never die.
• Any men­tion of the iPhone other than to crow about sales num­bers: 10% — Hard to make a call on this one, if you count the iOS 4.1 talk then it’s a yes.
  • A redesigned iPhone that cor­rects the DeathGrippe®: .1% — Nope (morons)
  • An announce­ment of the iPhone 5: .00001% — Seriously, are you peo­ple retarded.
  • iPhone on Verizon: Oh ain’t you pre­cious. — Of course not
• Any men­tion of the iPad other than to crow about sales num­bers: 5% — Same as with the iPhone, if you count the iOS then this is a yes.
  • iPad updates: 1% — iPad updates are going to be a yearly event in late January, bet on it.
  • iPad Nano/iPod Touch Maximo: .01% — Seriously, these chumps are delusional.

I’m not going to do any sort of roundup of the event, other’s have done that bet­ter than I can. My biggest take-away though was just how lit­tle the rumor mon­gers got right on this. I’ll prob­a­bly talk more about that soon.