Dave You Ignorant Slut

Sometimes the New Media Douchebag circus is too good for the freak-show and needs to be in the main ring. Case in point, today’s twaddle from Dave “Cranky-Pants” Winer, Dear Apple, re your boycott of Flash. Ooh, goody, goody gumdrops. It’s criticism in epistle form; my favorite thing.

Let’s break this mofo down, starting with the title. Did you know that Apple is boycotting Flash? I didn’t. I mean, I have to run third-party software just to keep that crap from inundating my desktop computing experience, so Apple doesn’t seem to be doing much to block it there. Perhaps Dave is referring to Apple’s decision to not allow any third party runtime environments in iOS. As an aside, Steve Ballmer must shed a tiny, greasy little tear every time someone gets histrionic over Apple “boycotting” Flash without mentioning Silverlight. At any rate, moving on.

As an iPad user I can tell you without a doubt, it isn’t working.

Well Dave, as an iPad user I can tell you that you’re a fuckwit. Neener neener.

I see new Flash content several times every day when I catch up on the news with my iPad. This isn’t stuff that’s going away, it’s new stuff that creative people are publishing. New stuff, not legacy stuff.

Dear gods! What sick, vile, depraved pornography is Dave into that it hasn’t already been made iOS friendly.Seriously though, in the absence of anything approximating an example, Occam’s razor decrees that Dave is simply making shit up.

In other words, they know we can’t see it on the iPad and they went ahead anyway.

Again Dave, who is this mysterious “they” that you speak of? Would it kill you to provide even one fucking example. But really, so the fuck what? So there are people who made large investments in an Adobe workflow who are still using it. Stop. The. Fucking. Presses. You know what Dave, I’m willing to bet that there are still people out there producing shit in RealMedia format, that doesn’t mean that anyone needs to support it.

But let’s take Dave’s logic and turn it on its ear a bit. Theoretically there is all this wondrous Flash content out there, and yet Apple went ahead anyway and told Adobe to piss up a rope. Boy, oh boy did that kill the platform. Hell, reports are just now coming in that the wait time for an iPad is down to a mere 24 hours. Jeez is Steve Jobs an idiot.

Sorry.

Blow me.