Apple Special Event Predictions

August 26th, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

For those who are unaware, Apple is hold­ing a spe­cial event on September 1st, just like they do every September. Not being one to be left out of the fun, here’s my take on the chances of var­i­ous rumors com­ing to pass.

  • New iPod Touch announced: 99%
    • Has a front-facing cam­era with FaceTime inte­gra­tion: 65%
    • Rear-facing cam­era: 45%
    • Retina Display: 80%
  • iPod Nano updated: 80%
    • More stor­age: 50%
    • Still pic­ture cam­era: 40%
  • New AppleTV: 70%
    • Runs iOS: 50%
    • Named iTV: 30%
    • Runs “apps”: 30%
    • Has an “app store”: 30%
  • iTunes TV Show Rentals: 10%
  • iTunes IN THE CLOUD!!!: 5%
  • Any men­tion of the iPhone other than to crow about sales num­bers: 10%
    • A redesigned iPhone that cor­rects the DeathGrippe®: .1%
    • An announce­ment of the iPhone 5: .00001%
    • iPhone on Verizon: Oh ain’t you precious.
  • Any men­tion of the iPad other than to crow about sales num­bers: 5%
    • iPad updates: 1%
    • iPad Nano/iPod Touch Maximo: .01%

As always, these num­bers are based on my exten­sive dis­cus­sions with my exclu­sive Apple sources, namely the lep­rechaun who lives in Jony Ive’s pocket and the genii who granted Scott Forstall the Evil Eye. Everyone feel free to make your own pre­dic­tions in the comments.

15 comments - (Comments closed)
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  • Anonymous

    I really don’t see Apple cloud­ing a music event with the Apple TV. I think if Apple were to update it, it would either be a sep­a­rate event or a non-event (more likely).

  • Morven

    Actually, my pre­dic­tions are pretty much in line with yours. These events are almost always iPod. Apple TV may come in since it’s also an enter­tain­ment device. Anything else? Not except for boast­ing about sales & success.

  • http://www.theangrydrunk.com The Angry Drunk

    Hey, I only report what Ive’s pocket-leprechaun tells me.

  • Detorn

    My pre­dic­tion. The shuf­fle returns to its small square shape and gets a touch screen.

    There was a story a while back about the (via apple insider http://​goo​.gl/​M​izF) and we never heard about them again.

    Prediction 2: No announce­ments that aren’t iPod related. iTV isn’t going to hap­pen at this event.

  • Anonymous

    I agree that this annual event is almost all iPod, and Apple rarely changes the cur­ricu­lum. However, as the iPod is becom­ing less and less cru­cial to Apple, there is a bet­ter chance they’ll stray from con­ven­tion and also talk AppleTV. And I mean “AppleTV” I seri­ously doubt the “iTV” change.

    However, as the last remain­ing nean­derthal who uses the iPod Classic, the only thing I give a crap about is its fate. I want it bumped up to 200GB and I want the shitty OS/UI fixed. Sadly, it’s much more likely they’ll just drop it in lieu of a $499 128GB iPod Touch — which I’m not inter­ested in.

  • http://www.theangrydrunk.com The Angry Drunk

    There’s no fun in pre­dict­ing fore­gone con­clu­sions; and if there is one thing we know for cer­tain, like the Sun rises in the East, the Shuffle is going to change form fac­tors. In fact, the name Shuffle refers not to the shuf­fling of music, but to the shuf­fling of designs.

  • http://twitter.com/Moeskido Moeskido

    Cyberdog and Hypercard will be brought back as a com­bined new iWork app called HyperDog. The demo will con­tain ani­mated bark­ing pup­pies and con­fuse the press.

  • Detorn

    the touch screen was my twist, I haven’t any­one really men­tion it.

  • Detorn

    I haven’t seen*

    I need to start proof­read­ing my comments.

  • http://twitter.com/darxmac Thomas von Hassel

    If a new Apple TV runs iOS wouldn’t it be dumb not to include the abil­ity for devs. to cre­ate App’s for it ?

    (your num­bers are 50% for iOS, but only 30% for Apps)

  • http://www.theangrydrunk.com The Angry Drunk

    Your logic is faulty. The cur­rent Apple TV runs essen­tially stock OS X and devel­op­ers can’t write appli­ca­tions for it. iOS is not magic.

  • Anonymous

    I hear rumors eWorld is com­ing back.

  • http://ComicsPundit.com/ Shawn L.

    An AppleTV / iTV that runs iOS? Not with­out a rad­i­cal U.I. change, at which point it’ll be some­thing other than iOS. That is, unless Apple expects us to touch our TV screens? ( “Introducing the iRag to clean the fin­ger­prints off your iTV” )

    I’m sur­prised you gave a front fac­ing cam­era a higher like­li­hood than a rear fac­ing one on the next iPod Touch.

    If they only go with one and not both (or none), it would be more likely to be the rear fac­ing cam­era, as it has far greater util­ity for users than a front fac­ing Narcissus-Cam.

    TV show rentals I’d put at a higher per­cent­age as TV net­works are open­ing up to more online dis­tri­b­u­tion meth­ods for shows, and it matches what Apple does with movies. It’s not a fan­tas­tic stretch of fancy, and would only be a func­tion of being able to ink the deal. Though since the source of this is mere rumors in the press, I under­stand why you’d have it as low as 10%.

    I’ll give a 1% chance of a total redesign of the struc­ture of the iLife suite. Breaking the media player/library func­tions of iTunes and the device sync­ing func­tions of the same pro­gram into sep­a­rate apps. The new app of the sync­ing func­tions would become the all-new iSync.

  • http://mangochut.net/ man­gochut­ney

    But I want a Verizon iPhone 4!!! Want! Want! Want! No, wait, I live in Germany. My bad.

    I think Jobs might update the num­bers of peo­ple hav­ing called Apple Care about recep­tion prob­lems they expe­ri­ence. It’ll be low I pre­sume, not exceed­ing — or at least only by a lit­tle — the per­cent­age that was told us dur­ing the press conference.

    However, he won’t men­tion how many peo­ple ordered cases, because no time in his Zen-Place™ can prop­erly pre­pare him to announce this num­ber with­out call­ing peo­ple “cheap shits that just cost him $130Mio.” on stage.

  • Detorn