Denying iPhone Apps…for Science!

March 4th, 2010, by The Angry Drunk

Satan’s balls I hate TechCrunch; they truly are the ulti­mate bot­tom feeder of the tech indus­try. One of my favorite tricks that Mike Arrington and his car­ni­val of imbe­ciles like to pull is the “high­light yet another App Store denial” rou­tine. Today’s exam­ple from Roi Carthy, though, is a doozy. The head­line reads: Tawkon Measures The Radiation Spewing From Your iPhone. No Wonder Apple Doesn’t Approve It.

The idiocy is summed in the first paragraph.

Here we go again … Apple App Store Fail No. 5102928. A few weeks ago stealth Israeli startup Tawkon gave me a sneak-peak devel­oper build of what I believe is the most impor­tant app on my iPhone. What does it do? It ana­lyzes the cel­lu­lar radi­a­tion your iPhone emits at any given moment, at any given loca­tion, whether in standby mode, or within a call.

First of all, I’m declar­ing a fuck­ing fatwa against the use of the word “fail.” You’re (pre­sum­ably) not a gig­gling school-girl, stop fuck­ing writ­ing like one. But more to the point, let’s be clear about what this appli­ca­tion does. This piece of crap mea­sures the sig­nal strength of the iPhone’s cel­lu­lar radio, then does some alchemy to deter­mine the level of “EM radi­a­tion” you’re being exposed to.

Now, why would you care to know about that. Well sim­ple, there is a huge profit to be made from the whack­aloon belief that the elec­tro­mag­netic radi­a­tion out­put by mod­ern elec­tronic devices is some­how harm­ful to the human body. I’m going to say this once, so hope­fully no one comes here try­ing to debate this point, if you think that elec­tro­mag­netic radi­a­tion (of the kind pro­duced by cell phones) causes can­cer then you are either igno­rant, or a loon. Electromagnetic radi­a­tion at the fre­quen­cies and power lev­els out­put by a cell phone are phys­i­cally inca­pable of doing dam­age to the human body.

I hon­estly don’t care what jus­ti­fi­ca­tion Apple uses to block crap like this. Paranoiac lud­ditism like this has no place on the iPhone. Fucking deal with it.


As an aside, in doing some Binging (fuck you Google) before writ­ing this, I found a nice ran­dom write-up about the issue. Read and be educated.

13 comments - (Comments closed)
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  • james­bai­ley

    Someone did a study of brain can­cer rates from before 1995 and after. Basically there was no dif­fer­ence. So, since cell phone use sky rock­eted and radio waves cause can­cer, shouldn’t brain can­cer rates show a notable increase as well? Of course sim­ple logic is of lit­tle use in try­ing to con­vince the march­ing morons.

  • http://mangochut.net/ man­gochut­ney

    “It ana­lyzes the cel­lu­lar radi­a­tion your iPhone emits at any given moment, at any given loca­tion, whether in standby mode, or within a call.“

    This sen­tence is a straight-out lie! This app can­not run in the back­ground while some­one is tak­ing a call. All it can do is access this kind of data while it is run­ning, but this doesn’t mat­ter, because every fuck­ing hypochon­driac will leave it run­ning all the time.

    The dis­cus­sion about whether cell phone radi­a­tion can cause can­cer or not is point­less.
    Every kind of radi­a­tion has some effect on the body, bad thing is; we don’t know what effect it has.
    If peo­ple are wor­ried about cell­phone radi­a­tion they should bet­ter leave civil­i­sa­tion, because cell phones aren’t their prob­lem; the cell phone tow­ers are.

  • http://mangochut.net/ man­gochut­ney

    There are stud­ies point­ing in this and that direc­tion, so far every­thing is incon­clu­sive.
    What sci­en­tists have found out, is that cell phone radi­a­tion has some kind of effect on the cells (they’re being heated), but this process can­not yet be linked to the muta­tion of healthy cells to can­cer cells.

  • David (israel)

    Excuse me, but I am capa­ble of decid­ing on myself wether the app is good or bad and trust me that most I phone buy­ers are not com­plete idiots to the extent that they need apple to decide what’s good or bad for them.
    The real issue here is that Apple is act­ing like a bully as the last thing on their mind is the sci­en­tific basis behing the apps.
    You are allowed to think as you wish but apple should present a clear and hon­est pol­icy and act by it. I think apple should take a step back and adopt a pol­icy sim­i­lat to the one youtube uses — if it’s lea­gal, not offen­sive and doesn’t breake copy­right rules then it’s ok.

  • http://www.theangrydrunk.com The Angry Drunk

    Oh how con­ve­nient, a vis­i­tor from Israel, the very place where the devel­op­ers of this bull­shit app are located. Your opin­ion is duly noted, and sum­mar­ily dismissed.

  • http://mangochut.net/ man­gochut­ney

    Problem is: There is no sci­en­tific basis for this app. It’s guess­work, thus useless.

  • http://www.bynkii.com/ John C. Welch

    not offen­sive? yeah, THAT’S a clearly defin­able stan­dard for humanity.

  • http://www.theangrydrunk.com The Angry Drunk

    Like all right-thinking peo­ple, I’m offended by woo-addled pseudo-science. Tits, on the other hand, are Allah’s gift to mankind.

  • http://mangochut.net/ man­gochut­ney

    Silicone? Not for me.

  • http://www.theangrydrunk.com The Angry Drunk

    To each their own, but I don’t dis­crim­i­nate against boobs. They are all equal in the eyes of Cthulhu.

  • http://mangochut.net/ man­gochut­ney

    Well then Cthulhu hasn’t seen enough porn.

  • http://openid.aol.com/sdfisher75 tewha

    That any­one could believe this is noth­ing short of amaz­ing. Truly, a sucker is born every minute. And they all swarm on Tech Crunch. Thanks for the laugh.

  • who­fuck­ing­cares

    Only blog worth read­ing on the fuck­ing net.