I Get Mail (Sort Of)

Today, when I came to I was informed that the fol­low­ing epis­tle was left on one of the fam­ily vehicle’s wind­shield last night

For those who, for some rea­son, can’t see the pic­ture there the text is as follows:

NANCY, PAINT MY ?(ALL) FENCE WHITE OR I WILL SEE YOU IN COURT ! DK

So, for back­ground. “DK” is my next-door neigh­bor. DK is an ass­hole. DK is the sort of per­son who mas­sively remod­els his house with­out a singe per­mit or inspec­tion. DK is the sort of cock-sucker who puts build­ing mate­ri­als in other people’s trash bin so that the city doesn’t bitch him out for doing so. Basically, he’s a cunt.

The story of the “fence,” it’s really a block wall is this. Many years ago, while my old man was in the hos­pi­tal dying of can­cer and my mother was in the hos­pi­tal with a per­fo­rated intes­tine. DK took it upon him­self to extend the com­mon wall between our prop­er­ties out to the street, and to stucco and paint my side of it bright white. Just last week we re-painted our side and appar­ently this has angered the twat. Right now I’m in con­sul­ta­tion with the U.N. and the World Court regard­ing an appro­pri­ate response. Early con­tenders are “Pound sand” and “Make me old man.”

Stay tuned for break­ing developments.