I Gave at the Office

Oh, ow. We did something like that many years ago. The stupidity was interrupted by massive layoffs, and we ended up 1/5th the size we were before. And no tards.

Oh, ow. We did something like that many years ago. The stupidity was interrupted by massive layoffs, and we ended up 1/5th the size we were before. And no tards.

Meh. Same crap here. Everything has to be some kind of event. But worse, our team does a food drive. Then the larger entity that encompasses us does one, then another, etc. Like Russian nesting dolls. So what was once a good idea that had genuine charity behind it has become yet another retardo-world office mandate.

But the saddest part is, you know damn well if they just set up a box in the printer room and emailed people a reminder, by the end of the week there would be a lone can of creamed corn and a Snickers wrapper in the box. We (as a human race, not specifically you and I, or the superior readers of this blog) need this kind of stupid crap to cut through the fog of drudgery surrounding our daily lives.

Now I’m depressed. Dammit, is it happy hour yet?

Meh. Same crap here. Everything has to be some kind of event. But worse, our team does a food drive. Then the larger entity that encompasses us does one, then another, etc. Like Russian nesting dolls. So what was once a good idea that had genuine charity behind it has become yet another retardo-world office mandate.

But the saddest part is, you know damn well if they just set up a box in the printer room and emailed people a reminder, by the end of the week there would be a lone can of creamed corn and a Snickers wrapper in the box. We (as a human race, not specifically you and I, or the superior readers of this blog) need this kind of stupid crap to cut through the fog of drudgery surrounding our daily lives.

Now I’m depressed. Dammit, is it happy hour yet?

We don’t have salespeople where I work. Just bureaucrats, politicians, and worker bees. We do the same crap every year, though. We form up into teams and determine the results by the number of containers each team collects. A couple of years ago the team that won bought a whole frigging pallet of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. Not the Deluxe variety, either. The one with the powdered cheese.

If that’s charity, I’m Ebenezer Scrooge.

We don’t have salespeople where I work. Just bureaucrats, politicians, and worker bees. We do the same crap every year, though. We form up into teams and determine the results by the number of containers each team collects. A couple of years ago the team that won bought a whole frigging pallet of Kraft Macaroni & Cheese. Not the Deluxe variety, either. The one with the powdered cheese.

If that’s charity, I’m Ebenezer Scrooge.

I see it as your duty to pilfert the most tasty of canned goods for your own personal use. Even if that use is to lob the cans at the idiots who came up with that idea.

I see it as your duty to pilfert the most tasty of canned goods for your own personal use. Even if that use is to lob the cans at the idiots who came up with that idea.

@michael:
Unfortunately, as usual, the vast majority of crap donated was ramen noodles. If I eat them I’ll only be hastening my inevitable aneurysm; and, as offensive weapons, they have all the tactical use of a nerf brick.

@michael:
Unfortunately, as usual, the vast majority of crap donated was ramen noodles. If I eat them I’ll only be hastening my inevitable aneurysm; and, as offensive weapons, they have all the tactical use of a nerf brick.

@ Rip Ragged:

Mac and Cheese is kind of a Guilty Pleasure™ anyway, and I make a kick-ass version from scratch (basically like Alton Brown’s recipe from “Good Eats.)

When it comes to the packaged variety, though, I actually prefer the kind with the powdered cheese to the kind with the canned Cheez Whiz, but hey, that’s just me!

@ Rip Ragged:

Mac and Cheese is kind of a Guilty Pleasure™ anyway, and I make a kick-ass version from scratch (basically like Alton Brown’s recipe from “Good Eats.)

When it comes to the packaged variety, though, I actually prefer the kind with the powdered cheese to the kind with the canned Cheez Whiz, but hey, that’s just me!

maybe you could donate a six pack of beer and win on style alone.

maybe you could donate a six pack of beer and win on style alone.

@michael:

maybe you could donate a six pack of beer and win on style alone.

Nah, they sent a memo around what would be acceptable and unacceptable. Booze, sadly, was in the second column.

@michael:

maybe you could donate a six pack of beer and win on style alone.

Nah, they sent a memo around what would be acceptable and unacceptable. Booze, sadly, was in the second column.

I forgot about ramen noodles. Yeah, real championship charity teams run up that carb to dollar ratio pretty high.

The people who actually get the idea of charity but aren’t competitive bring in the random pile of canned okra, wax beans, and cream of asparagus soup. Much more fun. Not as much fun as a box of airline bottles of scotch would be, but much more thoughtful than a case of Top Ramen.

I forgot about ramen noodles. Yeah, real championship charity teams run up that carb to dollar ratio pretty high.

The people who actually get the idea of charity but aren’t competitive bring in the random pile of canned okra, wax beans, and cream of asparagus soup. Much more fun. Not as much fun as a box of airline bottles of scotch would be, but much more thoughtful than a case of Top Ramen.