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I Gave at the Office

So, my office is doing a canned food drive for a local food bank. Ok, that’s cool, laudable even. Now, how are we going to implement this? A box in the break room perhaps, where people can quietly donate as their conscience dictates?

Oh. Fuck. No.

No, instead we’ve been divvied up into teams, apparently via some random algorithm since I have no idea who these people are. Then a “team captain” is appointed to send out obnoxious rah-rah emails. And why, dear readers do we need rah-rah emails?┬áBecause, of course since this office has a ten to one ratio of Sales douches to normal people, we’ve gone and made this into a competition. Yes indeedy, don’t donate because it helps people, donate to get a splendiferous half day off. Sometimes I think that these retards are incapable of taking a crap unless someone posts the results to a “leaderboard” somewhere.

To add idiocy to obnoxiousness, the latest douchemail from the “captain” encourages us to buy cases of bottled water. Because, you know, it’s more efficient for me to provide water at $.75 a pop than it is for the food bank to use the taps at $.01 a bottle.

Fucking charitards.