Brilliant Logic

I’m going to take a quick break from Apple and New Media Douchebag related topics to point out some Old Media Douchebaggery. I don’t follow sports much (read, “at all”) but I can spot some dipshit logic as well and anyone, so this piece by Alan Abrahamson at nbcolympics.com caught my eye. The bottom line is that some Jamaican cat named Usain Bolt broke some world records. Apparently this dude is really fast. The part that I want to highlight is this. After questioning whether Mr. Bolt is under the influence of anything more powerful than some tasty jerk chicken, Abrahamson writes:

And while no evidence of any sort has surfaced to suggest he’s not, it’s na├»ve not to wonder how Bolt is able to run so fast. Because no one in the history of human beings, from the first primitive soul desperately trying to outrun a saber-toothed tiger to the sophisticated races of our times, has ever run as fast as Usain Bolt has run at the 2008 Beijing Olympic Games.

Fuck me running! Isn’t that the point of breaking a record? Apparently, in Alan’s mind, doing anything more competently than a neanderthal is suspicious. Anyway, we all know that there only one real performance enhancing drug. Everything else is ashes and dust.