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How Did I Miss This Tripe?

By The Angry Drunk

Mainly because the only reporting I’ve seen on it was from the losers at Lifehacker. And what tripe am I writing about? Well, another “Don’t buy an iPhone” shit-piece from none other than the unwashed freetards at the Free Software Foundation.  You know, your go-to neckbeards for opinions on consumer electronics. So, let’s take a quick belt of The Gin, fire up the Ranto-Matic 5000 and take a look at what I’m sure will be a reasonable essay.

iPhone completely blocks free software. Developers must pay a tax to Apple, who becomes the sole authority over what can and can’t be on everyone’s phones.

Really? I guess it sucks to be in the iPhone hacking community. I mean, I don’t like you dorks and you don’t like me; but I at least acknowledge that you exist. Right off the bat these dolts conflate the iPhone, with the App Store. More to the point (and this is entirely in keeping with these zealots narrow ass world view) they dismiss the hundreds, if not thousands of developers who a) don’t give a shit about “free” software and b) might actually like getting paid for their efforts.

iPhone endorses and supports Digital Restrictions Management (DRM) technology.

More of the same tripe.  Waah, waah, the other people won’t join our cult.

iPhone exposes your whereabouts and provides ways for others to track you without your knowledge.

What!?! Now we’re going off the deep end into loony-town.  Yes Location Services is exposed to developers. And yes, shit like Loopt is a privacy disaster waiting to happen. But I have it on good authority that the OS asks for confirmation before letting an app use that info; to an annoying degree from what I hear. But wait, there’s a more subtle criticism here. Just above these jackasses were complaining that Apple wasn’t giving developers complete unfettered freedom to do as they choose; and now the fact that developers can access the GPS information is a horrible thing. Get your shit straight you fucking hypocrites. Oh wait, I forgot, “freedom” only counts if it’s freedom to agree with them.

iPhone won’t play patent- and DRM-free formats like Ogg Vorbis and Theora.

Gods, this one again. These wastes of skin say the same thing about the iPod, look how that turned out. Earth to Moonvile, no one cares.

iPhone is not the only option. There are better alternatives on the horizon that respect your freedom, don’t spy on you, play free media formats, and let you use free software — like the FreeRunner.

HAHAHAHAHAHA!. Wait, let me catch my breath. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!. Sorry, there isn’t much I can say about that.  The words, they fail me.

So, there’s your five reasons. Two are based on faulty assumptions, two are religious zealotry and one is laughable at best. But the bullshit doesn’t end there. These flabby sacks continue for another few paragraphs with the most retarded zealotry I’ve heard in a while. I could dissect the entire piece,  but there’s drinking to be done; so I’ll include one more quote:

Apple, through its marketing and visual design techniques, is manufacturing an illusion that merely buying an Apple makes you part of an alternative community. But the technology they use is explicitly chosen to divide people into separate digital cells, and to position Apple as sole warden. When your business depends on people paying for the privilege of being locked up, the prison better look and feel luxurious, and the bars better not be too visible.

You heard it kiddies, we’re locked in a prison of Apple’s making. I know, it’s the Free Software Foundation; expecting reason is like expecting my dog to sit up and begin reciting Shakespeare, but at least I got to rant for a bit.

As an aside to Gina Trapani and the rest of the Lifehacker crew. I know you Gawker dipshits are all about the hitcount; but leave the iPhone bashing hype for your brethren at the Consumerist. They’re better at it, and it makes more sense coming from them. Stick with your strengths and keep shilling for David Allen.

July 16th, 2008 | Tags: , , , | Category: Posts | Comments
  • sng
    "iPhone exposes your whereabouts and provides ways for others to track you without your knowledge."

    Stallman has asserted on several occasions that you can be tracked through any cellphone. Even when it's turned off. He's not batshit insane. Not at all.
  • JB
    Wow... Apple's technology is "explicitly chosen to divide people"... these lifehacker fucks sound like they've written some George Bush speeches before...

    I wonder what they think of the happy minimum security prison that is the Microsoft "ecosystem"? If Apple didn't have a secure system of okaying iPhone apps, these dumbshits would be complaining that the iPhone is too insecure...

    Idiots.
  • @JB:
    To be fair, that's the FSF saying that not Lifehacker. Lifehacker (like all Gawker properties) is just doing what it takes to keep the hitcount high.
  • Huh. Except for the claim that Apple hardware doesn't run software that only exists in their imaginations, all their reasons are (Sorry for my lapse into technical jargon) squirrel jism.

    Dear Freetards: Your parents' basement may be comfortable, but someday you too may be called upon to pay rent and buy groceries. When that happens, you'll want to be paid for your work assuming you ever do any.

    When that happens, you'll be glad there is a company and a culture that thinks freetards are fuller of shit than a stopped toilet in an abandoned Greyhound depot.

    For those of you who haven't kept up in the student textbook:

    STFU = Shut The Fuck Up
  • Fuck Richard Stallman. (I don't mean you personally should actually do that so please don't hate me. I mean, that's just nasty to even think about.)
  • I think their point is that Apple has you by the balls when you buy an iPhone. Apple might be wearing a nice cotton glove with very clean hands and a feather grip, but they still have you by the balls. And if you'll notice, the grip got a little tighter with the release of the iPhone 3G.

    I don't see how you can debate that.
  • bkharmony
    It all needed to be said. Thanks.
  • "Gods, this one again. These wastes of skin say the same thing about the iPod, look how that turned out. Earth to Moonvile, no one cares."


    Oh man - thank you for this. Love the whole rant, but this tidbit made my whole day.
  • Jon T
    I emailed these nitwits this morning when I read their totally weird rant.

    It's a pity that there are plenty of the Apple-Hating-Taliban out there that will regurgitate this claptrap though...
  • @justin:
    No, their "point" is that the iPhone doesn't fit into their narrow dogmatic world view. To which the rest of the non-whackadoo world say, so what. And what sort of bullshit is "...has you by the balls..." it's a cell phone, not a fucking inalienable civil right.
  • @justin:

    > I don’t see how you can debate that.

    I can get rid of my iPhone tomorrow. I just don't want to. There is, in fact, no Apple thug in jackboots standing outside my house forcing me to keep my iPhone. So, how, again, does Apple have me "by the balls"?
  • Is there an option for: "Everyone's a loser"?

    The FSF does a lot of good stuff, and the Open Source movement is a great idea. The idea of openness is a wonderful thing and it definitely should be encouraged.

    Apple's platform is very tightly controlled. It does limit what you can do and who can do what. All of that is true.

    But the FSF is thinking of the phone as a computer, not as a widget of consumer electronics. Openness breeds complexity- more options are daunting to an end user. Let your average luser try and make an informed choice between Gnome, KDE or Fluxbox, and see what happens.

    People don't particularly want an open phone. They want a simple, easy to use phone that makes key tasks easy. The iPhone does that very well, so people are buying it (and if the local Apple store ever restocks on 16G phones, I'll be joining their ranks).

    Most people don't care if they can run Open Office on their phone.
  • @justin:
    Oh, and when 20% of their argument is a flat out lie i.e. that Location Services reports your location behind your back; I have a hard time taking any of their arguments seriously.
  • TheIndustry
    @justin:
    "I think their point is that Apple has you by the balls when you buy an iPhone"

    Uh, what phone manufacturer/Carrier in the US doesn't? Shouldn't this be "don't buy a cell phone, keep using the telegraph"?

    Why focus on Apple? Oh yeah, because they are publicity whores.
  • Ok, the location services thing is kind of a frivolous argument, because it applies to just about any phone and the entire wireless industry. But that doesn't mean it is not bullshit.

    @Phoneman:
    Uhh, isn't a two year contract with AT&T and the inability to use it on another carrier kind of like a thug forcing you to keep your iPhone? Just sayin'.
  • @TheIndustry

    You can run any number of phones of comparable price, unlocked, without a contract on T-Mobile or (presumably) AT&T. Some of them even have a webkit-based browser.
  • @justin:
    Uhh, isn’t a two year contract with AT&T; and the inability to use it on another carrier kind of like a thug forcing you to keep your iPhone? Just sayin’.


    What complete and utter entitlement bullshit. Last time I checked no one was forcing you to buy the gods damned thing.

    And, while were at it, let me check my copy of the Declaration of Independence. Lesse, Life, Liberty, Pursuit of Happiness; but no mention of an iPhone. I guess old Tommy J. just forgot that.

    You don't like the iPhone, don't fucking buy it.
    Just sayin'.
  • Sebhelyesfarku
    Pull your head out of Jobs' colon, Mactard.
  • me, i think the ugly-as-f*ck screenshot/photo of their "FreeRunner" says it all...
  • lkjkj
    Stop using the word 'tripe'
  • @Sebhelyesfarku:
    Suck a dick, freetard.
  • So, the basic premises are wrong anyway - here's a post I made to /. yesterday:

    http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=617555&...

    ... there's nothing preventing open-source apps on the iphone.
  • Kevin Smith wannabe
    lol freetard ur helareus
  • oomu
    the point is , the iphone is GREAT but DRM is NOT GOOD FOR CONSUMER !

    get it ?

    and yeah, I fucking hate DRM files telling me I can't use it on my family computer or works computer or whatever.


    and YEAH , I fucking hate too I can't program as I want on MY iphone.

    -
    and yes it's true iphone is a really easy and nice phone, internet device and music player.

    -
    ho, and these filthy insane fuck gay-hetero-bisexual daemons beast putrid blasphemous indicible "freetards" are those working on many insides of Mac os X and iphone.

    so yes, you can insult them, beat them and spit on them.

    Why we should care about people creating software at all ? do the same to Apple to. fuck their engineers !...

    very sad.
  • Jamie
    @justin

    The point is that total control by the vendor isn't anything new in the phone ecosystem and people are used to it.

    People also expect phones to 'just work' which is what Apple are good at getting right. From what I've heard about some of the OpenMoko alternatives, they don't just work and if Linux is anything to go by, it will be years before the design by committee approach comes up with something as simple and elegant as the iPhone.
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