Joe Nocera Is a Slime Bucket

This one’s prob­a­bly not going to win me any friends; but then again, I’m not in this for the pop­u­lar­ity. As you all prob­a­bly know, one of the memes being bandied about in the media in the last week is the “Apple is ‘fuck­ing up’ by not dis­clos­ing Steve Jobs’ med­ical con­di­tion.” To which Apple has, so-far, replied with a firm “Steve’s med­ical con­di­tion is his busi­ness,” and an implied, “fuck you.”

At the cen­ter of this report­ing is one par­tic­u­lar piece of shit named Joe Nocera, who reports for the New York Times. Now, here’s the thing, I know a few things about Joe Nocera and his report­ing. Sadly, this is the part where many of you will tune out. But please take the time to click the link to the Deep Capture Blog in my side­bar. Deep Capture is the ongo­ing story of Overstock.com’s CEO Patrick Byrne’s fight against mar­ket manip­u­lat­ing hedge fund man­agers and the busi­ness media that is com­plicit in their attempts to fuck over pub­licly traded com­pa­nies. At the very least read this post from Deep Capture which deal specif­i­cally with the douchebag Joe Nocera.

The thing is, I am firmly

Continue read­ing Joe Nocera Is a Slime Bucket


“Doesn’t That Make You a Little Weazy?”

Continuing in the fine Gawker Media tra­di­tion of post­ing any old crap as long as it gets hits, The Consumerist today brings us the break­ing news that peo­ple sell bull cocks as dog treats. Shocking, I know. In lieu of com­men­tary, I bring you the sage words of Tom Waits.

I was a lit­tle shocked! I know you can get just about ANYTHING in this world. You can get a whale’s pan­creas if you’d want one! I can get you one! But com’on, a bull’s penis! How busy they were their whole lives. And they throw it to a dog, like that, for a snack! Now, are they avail­able here in the Los Angeles area? They are, aren’t they? Doesn’t that make you a lit­tle weazy? Makes you wanna live a long time.

Yes, Tom, yes it does.

Gods Damned Brilliant

Masterful piece from Matt Taibbi at the rolling​stone​.com decon­struct­ing the media’s cov­er­age of the Presidential elec­tion and what the real issues in America are.

I Bought a FreeRunner!

You heard it kids; the FSF’s cogent and well thought out argu­ments con­vinced me to buy a FreeRunner with the OpenMoko OS. No wait, I bought an iPhone.

Booop!

Hey, this is Angry Drunk’s iPhone. He has AT&T, so he’s got, like, zero bars in his own gods damned bed­room. Hope you didn’t have any­thing impor­tant to say.

Seriously AT&T, this is fucked up.

Commence the deri­sion by the “don’t buy an iPhone” crowd.

Exceedingly Quick Post.

In order to avoid con­fu­sion, I will hence­forth refer to “Free” in the sense of the Free Software Foundation means it as “Fwee.” For a guide to pro­nun­ci­a­tion, see the scene in Lord of The Rings where Smeagol represses Gollum. The Elmer Fudd vari­a­tion is also acceptable.

You Want Something to Bitch About?

Try this. Seriously Apple, get yo’ shit together.

How Did I Miss This Tripe?

Mainly because the only report­ing I’ve seen on it was from the losers at Lifehacker. And what tripe am I writ­ing about? Well, another “Don’t buy an iPhone” shit-piece from none other than the unwashed free­tards at the Free Software Foundation. You know, your go-to neck­beards for opin­ions on con­sumer elec­tron­ics. So, let’s take a quick belt of The Gin, fire up the Ranto-Matic 5000 and take a look at what I’m sure will be a rea­son­able essay.

iPhone com­pletely blocks free soft­ware. Developers must pay a tax to Apple, who becomes the sole author­ity over what can and can’t be on everyone’s phones.

Really? I guess it sucks to be in the iPhone hack­ing com­mu­nity. I mean, I don’t like you dorks and you don’t like me; but I at least acknowl­edge that you exist. Right off the bat these dolts con­flate the iPhone, with the App Store. More to the point (and this is entirely in keep­ing with these zealots nar­row ass world view) they dis­miss the hun­dreds, if not thou­sands of devel­op­ers who a) don’t give a shit about “free” soft­ware and b) might actu­ally like get­ting paid for

Continue read­ing How Did I Miss This Tripe?


Two Quickies

First, a “Ha!” to Dan Costa; and a kudos to Yardena Arar at PC World. One of Dan’s ram­pant spec­u­la­tions in his lit­tle iPhone hit piece that I com­mented on here was that the iPhone 3G would undoubt­edly have a worse bat­tery life than com­pet­ing 3G phones. On the con­trary, PC World ran some actual tests (what a con­cept) and deter­mined that, while all 3G phones suck bat­tery like a Hilton sis­ter on a schwantz, the iPhone 3G sucked the least. As an aside, I really have to say I’m impressed with the qual­ity of the PC World arti­cle. It’s fac­tual, unbi­ased and mod­er­ate in tone. My gods, could there still be actual pro­fes­sion­als out here on the interwebs.

Second, fuck you to Electronista (sis­ter site of MacNN), and I’ll be damned if I’ll link to you prats. Why the vit­riol? Because this is where I got the PC World story from, but there isn’t a sin­gle gods damned link that I could find from the Electronista story to the actual PC World story. You con­tent steal­ing, no credit giv­ing pricks really piss me off.

Update:

Ok,

Continue read­ing Two Quickies


Bow Before Your Lord Apophis!

Apparently I have a “bray­ing lynch mob of com­menters”. Sweet! Now I just need some hench­men and things are gonna start look­ing up around here.