Michael Arrington: “I’m a Click-Whoring Jackass”

May 29th, 2008, by The Angry Drunk

Jerry Yang: “We’re Done”

That’s the head­line over at TechCrunch. Pretty sim­ple right, one would almost infer from the quo­ta­tion marks that that’s actu­ally what the Yahoo CEO said. I mean, I didn’t go to no fancy jour­nal­ism school, but I do seem to recall from my fifth grade English class that quo­ta­tion marks imply that some­one actu­ally said what’s between them.

Apparently Michael Arrington missed that day of school, because not 2 para­graphs into his lit­tle hit piece we get this admission.

And while Yang never actu­ally said the words quoted in the title above, his tone and body lan­guage screamed “We’re Done.”

So, what you’re say­ing Michael, is that you made that quote up for your head­line. That, my friend, is the work of a click-whoring jackass.

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Breaking: 3G iPhone Based on Alien Technology

May 23rd, 2008, by The Angry Drunk

I don’t really have any any­thing else to write about; but I was tired of watch­ing the down­ward slope on my page hits graph, so here goes. I received a report from a source close to Apple today with incon­tro­vert­ible proof that the soon-to-be released 3G iPhone will incor­po­rate tech­nol­ogy recov­ered from the alien scout­ship that crashed in Roswell, New Mexico in 1947. This tech­nol­ogy will not only allow the iPhone to down­load web­sites faster than the cur­rent “human based” 2G iPhone; but it will also be the first com­mer­cial device to add sup­port for the Point to Point Taser Protocol (PPTP). You heard it here first folks,

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Update: Cox Field Technicians Are Cocks.

May 6th, 2008, by The Angry Drunk

As I wrote last time in A Tale of Two Fuckups, after leav­ing one of my three Cox dig­i­tal cable boxes unpow­ered for a week and a half, it was no longer work­ing prop­erly. To recap, I called tech­ni­cal sup­port look­ing to have the box re-authorized; but the numb­skull of the phone refused and insisted on dis­patch­ing a field tech.

Cut to last Friday. The field tech shows up, amaz­ingly on time, and pro­ceeds to per­form exactly no trou­bleshoot­ing. He punches a few ran­dom but­tons on the box and declares, “There’s noth­ing I can do.”

“What did you say,” I ask in amaze­ment. I expected crappy ser­vice, but no an out­right dismissal.

“There’s noth­ing I can do, there’s a ‘node’ down and I don’t have an ETA on when it will be restored.”

“Bullshit,” I respond. I have two other boxes in this house that are work­ing fine.”

“Well,” the cox­tard backpedals, “when the node went down an update was pushed out and your box wasn’t on to receive it.”

“I know dip­shit,” I explain. “And what exactly do you think will hap­pen if you have the office send a new autho­riza­tion signal?”


Continue read­ing Update: Cox Field Technicians Are Cocks.


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A Tale of Two Fuckups

May 2nd, 2008, by The Angry Drunk

Gotta get these two off of my chest.

Fuckup The First. Wherein Cox Communications Phoenix Angers an Angry Drunk:

This is a rel­a­tively straight­for­ward one. I’m cur­rently lay­ing new tile in my liv­ing room; which neces­si­tated the dis­con­nec­tion and removal of my tele­vi­sion and cable box. Mind you, this is stan­dard def­i­n­i­tion dig­i­tal cable. Nothing overly com­pli­cated. Last night, I finally reached the point where I can recon­nect every­thing and plug the cable box back in. I do so, and after the box boots I’m greeted with an error stat­ing that “Advanced Services are Unavailable.” Heaving a great sign of weari­ness I fig­ure, “well the box was unplugged for a week and a half. I wouldn’t be sur­prised if it de-authorized itself. So I call tech support.

Now, a lit­tle back­ground for those who don’t know me. I spent almost a decade in phone tech­ni­cal sup­port. I was a front-line sup­port rep for three dif­fer­ent com­pa­nies for over 4 years. I was in call cen­ter qual­ity assur­ance report­ing for almost 6 years. I know all the tricks; and I view every call to tech­ni­cal sup­port with utter dread.

After the req­ui­site phone tree fol­lies and hold time I finally reach

Continue read­ing A Tale of Two Fuckups


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