Not to say that this sort of thing couldn’t happen to Apple, but this illustrates part of the reason why companies like Apple want DRACONIAN CONTROL of their products.
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It’s no stunning revelation to regular readers that I think that there is an appalling lack of critical thinking skills amongst the so-called “experts” who make up the tech press. With very few exceptions the default process for the tech media seems to be to run stories without the slightest hint of investigation, verification, or even independent thought. Case in point, a story that began making the rounds last week about Apple exerting it’s DRACONIAN CONTROL to remove all WiFi “sniffer” applications. A typically craptacular example of the “reporting” surrounding the issue can be found in this article at the Cult of Mac blog. To quote:
The problem is the second sentence. Apple, of course isn’t explaining what the “private framework” is, because Apple hasn’t offered any fucking comment on this situation. Nor should they. Apple rejects hundreds of applications a week. They owe explanations to the developers, but not to random bloggers and journalists. More importantly though, Apple did explain why they shit-canned the apps. They “use private frameworks.” Now, remember that all of this communication is being relayed though the developers themselves, but it should be blindingly obvious to anyone styling themselves “experts” in iPhone related matters that “private framework” means the same thing as non-public APIs. Regardless of the idiocy being promulgated by fools like Erica Sadun, using non-public APIs in iPhone applications is specifically forbidden by the iPhone Developer Agreement. Nothing that Apple is doing here is in the least bit “suspicious.” If this sort of fuzzy thinking was relegated to just the usual link-bait bloggers it would be one thing. The problem is that this meme has been co-opted by other reporters and pundits who should damn well know better. I’m not talking about legitimate debates over whether Apple’s control of the App Store is overly restrictive. I’m talking about otherwise intelligent people who are willfully ignoring the difference between Apple enforcing (albeit belatedly) one of the few hard-and-fast rules that the App Store has and them arbitrarily banning tittie apps. It’s honestly infuriating. During one of the early Angry Mac Bastards podcasts, my man Peter Cohen screamed the following phrase. “OCCAM’S FUCKING RAZOR QUINCY, HAVE YOU HEARD OF IT?” I desperately need to extract that clip and start spamming it to the people perpetuating the conspiracy theory model of Apple’s business practices. Seriously you lack-wits, the simplest explanation really is usually the right one. Sadly that means that I have to go with the theory that the majority of the tech media are just criminally incompetent, rather than my preferred theory that they are part of a Reptilliod advanced mission to drive the rest of us insane, but so be it. Satan’s balls I hate TechCrunch; they truly are the ultimate bottom feeder of the tech industry. One of my favorite tricks that Mike Arrington and his carnival of imbeciles like to pull is the “highlight yet another App Store denial” routine. Today’s example from Roi Carthy, though, is a doozy. The headline reads: Tawkon Measures The Radiation Spewing From Your iPhone. No Wonder Apple Doesn’t Approve It. The idiocy is summed in the first paragraph.
First of all, I’m declaring a fucking fatwa against the use of the word “fail.” You’re (presumably) not a giggling school-girl, stop fucking writing like one. But more to the point, let’s be clear about what this application does. This piece of crap measures the signal strength of the iPhone’s cellular radio, then does some alchemy to determine the level of “EM radiation” you’re being exposed to. Now, why would you care to know about that. Well simple, there is a huge profit to be made from the whackaloon belief that the electromagnetic radiation output by modern electronic devices is somehow harmful to the human body. I’m going to say this once, so hopefully no one comes here trying to debate this point, if you think that electromagnetic radiation (of the kind produced by cell phones) causes cancer then you are either ignorant, or a loon. Electromagnetic radiation at the frequencies and power levels output by a cell phone are physically incapable of doing damage to the human body. I honestly don’t care what justification Apple uses to block crap like this. Paranoiac ludditism like this has no place on the iPhone. Fucking deal with it. As an aside, in doing some Binging (fuck you Google) before writing this, I found a nice random write-up about the issue. Read and be educated. Every once in a while a particularly worthless turd of an article pushes itself past the general morass of crap that passes for tech “journalism” these days to befoul our collective consciousness. Recently an article by Don Tennant from ITBusinessEdge had the distinction of joining those ranks. In the article, Why I Regret Buying an iPhone, Tennant makes the case against the iPhone. I can already sense my readers tuning out. And why not? Articles bashing the iPhone/iPad/iWhatever are a dime a dozen these days. Hell, even august bodies like CNET resort to that age-old tactic when they need a little link loving. But stay with me gentle reader, this smear of feces is not the usual link-bait Apple bashing. This is a turd of a whole different stench. No, in this piece of fuckwittery Don lays out the moral argument against Apple. Wait, I sense your puzzlement. A moral argument against Apple. Is this going to be another freetard screed against DRM or the App Store? Nope, Don couldn’t even pick a position as quasi-defensible as those. Instead Don takes Apple to task for enslaving the people of China. Dig it:
See, in the fantasy world that Don lives in, it’s not the reprehensible Chinese government who’s to blame for child labor, or Reuters employees being roughed up, or the poor fucker at Foxconn who offed himself. No, it can’t be the excesses off a government who has taken the worst aspects of totalitarianism and rampant capitalism that’s to blame. It must be Apple. Of course it never occurs to Don Tennant, this self important cunt, that every other fucking consumer electronics company utilizes these same suppliers. No, his moral outrage and foppish hair are reserved solely for that minion of Satan himself, Steve Jobs. It’s people like this who make me wish I could kick a fuckwit in the prunes via the internet. At the very least there should be a blacklist set up so that worthless morons like Don Tennant can never use a Chinese built item again. Congratulations Don Tennant, you are officially the biggest mound of shit in the tank. We feature the work of Joe Wilcox at Betanews fairly frequently on Ye Olde Angry Mac Bastards podcast, mainly because he’s a raving lunatic, but the festering turd that he published yesterday forced me to take direct action. The headline reads Apple should ban freebees from the iPad App Store and that essentially sums up the article. Joe argues that, in order to distinguish the iPad from the iPod Touch and the iPhone, Apple should set a policy that no free applications can be offered via the iPad App Store.
Ok, excuse me for a second while I go stick my cock in a light socket. I need to reboot my brain. … All right I’m back. What in the everlasting fuck is wrong with Joe? Where to begin with this crapfest. First, how the fuck does “premium” equate to “paid” you gormless twat? There are many free applications in the App Store that are of exceedingly high quality. Second, where does this “iPad App Store” codswallop come from. Of course no one knows exactly what the iTunes App store will look like after the iPad is released, but it’s a damn good bet that iPhone, iPod Touch and iPad applications will be offered as part of a single store just as they are now. Moving on:
This paragraph is so bizarre I can’t actually parse it. First it seems to be arguing against the very position that Joe staked out in the previous paragraph. Secondly, how does “free” mean that there will be more applications. Since it’s the developers who decide to build applications for the iDevices, the reverse would seem to be the case. I is confused. Joe babbles on for a few more paragraphs about iDevice sales numbers before presenting the meat of his thesis.
All I can say here is that Joe Wilcox has about as much understanding of consumer psychology as Robbie The Robot, perhaps less. Allowing only paid applications on the iPad won’t make it “chic,” it will make it the worst product failure since The Angry Drunk’s Whiskey and Sex Toy Kit for Toddlers. Joe continues to rehash this same point for a few paragraphs until he delivers this zinger:
“Apple’s risk is low….” For the love of Satan someone please get me a supply of whatever drugs Joe is taking. Apple’s risk is the howls of rage from both developers and consumers, Not to mention the tech media. Apple’s risk is the complete and utter flop of the iPad when the “competition” trumpets the “fact” that you can’t get free applications for it. Sweet Mephistopheles we had a day long debate on Twitter yesterday about how to get users to pay anything for iPad applications; now you want to enforce no free apps. Seriously, is Wilcox on Benzedrine? Hat tip to my favorite font of facial-hair, Jim Dalrymple at The Loop. Gods’ balls I loves me some Rude Pundit. I began working on this article several months ago, but other things took priority and I pretty much forgot about it. The recent bout of blogorrhea over Apple and its DRACONIAN CONROL!! of the App Store prompted me to dust it off. For the record, I am in agreement with those who argue that there are problems with the App Store. Months ago I wrote that I thought the entire process was being mismanaged. On the other hand, I have yet to hear a proposal to “fix” the App Store that I think would actually work. So, since I’m just arrogant enough to think that I can do better, read on to hear my proposal for correcting the issues with the App Store…if you dare. Continue reading Fixing the App Store Thank Satan for Kara Swisher. It’s always refreshing to see someone call out the blogosphere for being a bunch of whiny link-baiting blowhards. At this point, the breathless faux-outrage displayed every time Apple demonstrates that they couldn’t give a fuck what the blogtards think is becoming pathetic.  |
 
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